No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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