the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize