like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
No subtext here. People are naked.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
