I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
