Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
