Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
FUCK WHALES
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
