So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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