no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
