If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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