sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
