i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
