Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
