Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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