It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
