Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
