did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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