I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
