Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
