fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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