Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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