so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
