just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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