so that wasnt chicken after all
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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