how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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