so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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