do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
