I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
