She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
