I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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