And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
