No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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