just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
