Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
