you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
