dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
