But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
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There's always time for handjobs
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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