my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
