i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
