I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
