Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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