I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
