dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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