She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
