Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
