apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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