If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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