my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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