All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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