When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
