I hate all girls vehemently.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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