He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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