i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm too high and old for this...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
