the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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