Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
