Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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