You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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