I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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