She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
