if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
