worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
this hospital has no fireball
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
