I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
