My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
