dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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