peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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