clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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