I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?