Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
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Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
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Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud