Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
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He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
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Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.