who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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