Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
