He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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