i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
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You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
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Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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