We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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