Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
